Come Back to Me
by iheartShules
Summary: Joss needed a little Christmas magic to get the man she loved back. ::Rated M now:: Yes, a really late Christmas CAREESE story! POST SERIES SO AU
1. Chapter 1

_**AN: Better late than never is the saying, right? This is a Christmas story that was meant to be posted before Christmas not in the new year except that Beauty and the Beast story took me a little longer than I figured because I was so busy at the holiday season.**_

 _ **A thing about the story this takes place post series with a few differences like John Reese and Joss Carter survive! Also I wasn't sure on timeline from the show in season 5 since they never actually said much in the way of how long things took so it might be a little messed up. Plus, there are small differences from what the show did (besides killing Reese and Carter) that I tweaked because I wanted too ;D  
**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I own nothing.**_

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Holiday cheer abounded for everyone except Joss Carter. Mistletoe was hung everywhere that you could see while bright flashing lights glittered and glowed beautifully. Wreaths adorned doors as trees filled corners, and Christmas music blared at nauseam. Still nothing put her in the holiday spirit and nothing would until John fully recovered.

It wasn't really John's fault why she was in such a pitiful state of being. If there were anyone to lay blame on it would be that bad super computer, Samaritan, and Decima's fault. And then the little blame left was on John for deciding he was to be the one to upload the virus into Samaritan, risking life and limb in the process. The only reason he was even alive was sheer willpower because anyone else surely would have been done in by a missile. But then Samaritan should have done its homework to realize John was a stubborn bastard and was now two for two at surviving missile attacks. Although everyone agreed John wasn't allowed to ever attempt another try at surviving one again.

Physically he was as good as expected, after being shot a few times and the building collapses around you as it is hit by a missile. He had been the only one to survive of those on the rooftop and to this day no first responder knew how. Neither did she nor cared because it didn't really matter how he was the only one to survive all she cared about was that he had. John had saved the machine while destroying Samaritan, and made it himself in the process. Over a week she had been at his bedside waiting for him to pull out of the coma he slid into because of the traumatic brain injury he sustained in the attack, and he pulled through for her to only learn he couldn't remember anything. John's memories were wiped clean from him. And with the Captain knowing about the attack—due to the machine trying to make it appear as though Detective John Riley was there working a case but got caught in the terrorist attack, as the world believed the missile attack to be—Moreno gave John the wrong identity. They couldn't oust the fact that he wasn't really John Riley and was only a cop to hide from an all-seeing evil super computer hell bent on killing him or he'd be even more confused and frustrated than he was already. His doctors were optimistic that, with time, his memories would come back but keep him stress free. And telling him about several identities he had and who he really truly was, was past simple stress.

So Harold, Shaw, and Root introduced themselves as friends while she and Fusco introduced themselves as friends and co-workers. And they've been waiting for him to remember ever since. Nothing worked and as weeks turned into months Joss was starting to lose hope because they weren't just friends, not by a long shot. As time went by it grew increasingly difficult at keeping their real relationship to herself but not wanting to make things worse by adding pressure on John to remember a love he didn't know he had, she kept quiet. Iris Campbell, police shrink, and Fusco's girlfriend, was working hard at helping John regain his memories. John had to speak to Dr. Campbell when the Captain put him on desk duty for firing his service weapon far too many times and forced a full psych evaluation to be done on him. And while Joss will eternally be grateful to Iris as she helped John work through some issues he had and realize he deserved love, which gave him the courage to come to her to begin a romantic relationship nearly a year ago; she wasn't pleased that Iris now knew John's true identity. But Lionel vouched for her and she trusted his opinion, besides the machine had done a comprehensive background check on the timid therapist to make sure she was on the up and up.

Joss rolled onto her back, still in bed on her day off when she had loads of stuff to do, and was feeling gloomy as ever. Tonight was Harold's inaugural Christmas party with every number they ever helped, and the allies they met and trusted along the way, invited and many RSVP'd which meant they were armed with numerous people to help jog John's memory. It was a formal event and meant she needed a dress. Part of her wanted to wear her sexy red dress that she wore on her date with John but couldn't bear the thought of him not remembering peeling it off her body as they made love for the first time. And what a first time it was too.

A knock sounded at her closed bedroom door drawing her from her lecherous thoughts and before she could even muster a pathetic "What is it" the door opened and Taylor poked his handsome head in. "Morning mom," he said, eyeing her with thinly veiled glee.

"Morning baby," she said as a real smile found its way on her face. Her son always managed to brighten up her day or, in this case, her morning. "I'll be up in a few minutes. I was busy wallowing in my self-pity that John doesn't remember me or our love."

"Yea, about that…he's downstairs, wanting to talk to you," Taylor said before smiling. "I think it might be good news which would be a hell of a Christmas present!"

Joss sat up so quickly in bed that she gave herself a head rush but it didn't stop her from scrambling to her feet. "Stall him so I can brush my teeth and get dressed." she ordered and Taylor nodded as he disappeared without another second spared. Joss raced into the bathroom peeling her jammies off as she went, quickly relieving her bladder before washing her hands then brushed her teeth, then tugging her hair into a quick up-do, and applied tiny bit of makeup just enough to make herself presentable, and quickly made a beeline for her dresser. What did one wear for the occasion of your lover maybe remembering you and your love? Did jeans and a sweater make the right impression? Joss ignored her inane thoughts as she grabbed skinny jeans and a red long sleeve shirt that had a cowl neck, and had a triangle cutout over her chest.

She rushed down the stairs barefoot, a little breathless, and saw John standing in the living room talking quietly to her son. Her gaze wandered over him, his long wool coat wrapped snugly around his lean form, and she felt blessed that he was even standing here with them today. She'd take the heartache of hoping to help him remember her and his friends because he was alive. Joss cleared her throat and John turned to look at her, and her hopes were instantly crushed. His eyes were windows to the soul, at least, to her, and he didn't remember.

She swallowed the urge to cry. "Hey John, what's up?" she asked as she watched her son give her a nod, before practically running for the door to leave them alone.

"I think I remembered something," he admitted, sounding troubled.

Joss, however, felt elation. A possible memory meant more could be on the way. "Oh, why does it sound like you're upset by that?—I'm sure you want your memories back."

John moved to her couch and sat down as she watched him like a hawk. To anyone else they'd not see anything off with him now after months of rehab but she still saw the exhaustion in his eyes, and the stiffness to his body. He ached and hurt still but wouldn't tell anyone. She knew about the migraines he now dealt with when she noted he had sensitivity to light or repeatedly rubbed his forehead. Her mother suffered from debilitating migraines and she recognized the signs. All she wanted to do was run her hands over his body and gave him a nice soothing massage to ease any aches or pangs he had.

"I do, Carter, but this…memory or whatever it is, doesn't make any sense to me," he acknowledged as he looked up and stared into her eyes, and she saw confusion enter his expression as it so often did. Joss knew John didn't feel like a cop but couldn't quite understand why.

She came to sit down beside him. "Tell me about it and maybe I can help make sense of it for you." she offered as his gaze lingered on hers. "We were… _close_." she nearly choked on the word 'close'. If only John had any idea how close they were. Like she knew how every ridge of his scarred body felt and tasted like because she ran her tongue over every single inch of his skin. Or how she knew his innermost thoughts on life, on himself, and how he viewed the world because he trusted her with a part of himself that he never trusted anyone with before. If only he could remember.

"Must be why I needed to talk to you about it," he murmured. His words drew her out of her musings. Joss was glad he felt the need to talk to her about it; whatever 'it' was. "I can't tell when it is or where I am but I'm on this subway surrounded by four young men, they try to take something from me, and…I kick the shit out of them," he stated in clear confusion.

Joss felt her breath clog in her throat. He remembered the first night they met. John had been picked up after that ass kicking he doled out and that was how she met him. She tempered the strong desire to reach out and kiss him right on the lips in happiness. "That's a memory John; you did do that." she said softly. He frowned. "John, you're former military. You were in Special Forces for years."

He shook his head. "No, that isn't right Carter. I read up on myself thanks to the file the Captain gave me and there isn't anything about a military career."

Frustration infiltrated her and grabbed a hold. John was close but not. She chose her words carefully; "You're file is incomplete."

"Incomplete?"

"Yes, but don't worry mine is too; you're Army just like I was." she explained and he furrowed his brows hard in concentration. "If you'd like I could give you my file to peruse to see that your military career missing isn't so strange." she offered hoping he didn't call her on her bluff. The reason his decorated military career wasn't a part of his John Riley persona was because the machine was frightened Samaritan would figure out who he truly was, and eliminate him.

He shook his head making her breathe out a sigh of relief. "No, I believe you, Carter. It's just I feel like I'm living a lie." he managed as he ran a hand through his longish hair, clearly frustrated. She shared in it.

"It's probably because everything you know about yourself was told to you by people who are virtually strangers to you," Joss supplied as she reached out to touch his hand, taking advantage of the situation, and wasn't going to apologize for it. "If you'd like I could tell you about your career in the Army. We talked about our mutual pasts in the military all the time."

He looked up and she thought she saw a flash of awareness before it disappeared and was replaced by a quizzical look. "Maybe some other time..and you don't feel like a stranger to me, Carter," he murmured softly. She smiled in response because she was half-afraid if she spoke aloud she'd blurt out his life story to him and it was the last thing she should do. Stress would worsen things and he was beginning to get a few memories back. It was a start, finally. John moved to stand and she reluctantly removed her hand from on top of his. She stood too and shoved her hands in her back pockets to do something with them. He stared down at her. "So, uh, are you going to do this Christmas party Harold is throwing? I guess a lot of people I know will be there so I can't pull a no-show."

"But you'll be a wallflower thinking you can blend in with the scenery when you stick out like a sore thumb,"she teased.

John ducked his head and smiled at her almost shyly. "You do know me so well, better than I know myself," he muttered.

"Just try to be patient, John. You just had your first memory which is a start. Your memories will come back but by stressing out about it will make things worse and probably lengthen the timeframe, and _no one_ here wants that," she instructed, practically ordering him.

A wider grin broke out on his face and Joss felt walloped by it. "Yes ma'am," he joked and then turned to head back to the door before pausing to look back at her. "You want to hear something odd, Carter?"

"What?"

"When I was on your front stoop about to knock I had this overwhelming urge to just pick your lock. Weird or what?" he murmured before waving at her, and turned to leave.

When the door closed behind him Joss whispered "not so strange, John, not strange at all," to herself.

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AN: I remembered back when I posted my little 'amnesia' story from Careese Themes that you guys wanted me to do one for John as well. Well, it took me a while but I finally found the right story. I know I took medical liberties since amnesia doesn't really work this way other than in film and books but I couldn't help it. This is 6 chapters in length when it was **supposed** to be only 4 but, eh, my muse never can stick to the plan.

Thank you for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

The Christmas party that Finch threw was in full swing. Candles were lit everywhere along with white lights giving it an intimate glow. In the corner of the hall was a large Christmas tree beautifully decorated in gold, silver, and white lights. All around Joss were her friends, former numbers, and allies they met along the way. Some were dancing on the dance floor while others were loitering around talking and laughing. But one thing was glaringly obvious: John looked overwhelmed and everyone was thoroughly bummed that he didn't remember them. Harold advised the party-goers to give John half-truths as he didn't know he was the badass vigilante that saved them.

Her eyes sought out John, who sat a few chairs down from her, seated with Harold and Grace on one side, and Logan Pierce on the other side. Unfortunately it had taken her quite a bit of time to select the perfect dress which made her fashionably late but also unable to choose the seating herself. John didn't know to save her a seat beside him because all he thought them to be were friends. Joss groaned as lusty thoughts drifted through her mind as she watched John suck on the candy cane that Shaw practically forced in his mouth.

Shaw was dead.

That dwarf knew just what she was doing giving him that to incite her, all because Shaw didn't appreciate the way she was approaching John's memory loss. Shaw wanted her to just slip into his bed and help him remember their relationship, not for Joss but for Shaw's own selfish gain but Joss knew: Shaw missed John. Her tiny angry friend had only just escaped from Decima and Samaritan for a couple weeks before all hell broke loose with the plan of bringing down Samaritan with the virus. She supposed Shaw wanted to get back to normal and she couldn't do that without her partner.

Joss noticed Zoe, dressed as exotically beautiful as always, walking over to speak to John. A surge of something akin to jealousy rose inside her at the smile he gave Zoe before watching with mounting anger as he stood with Zoe and they moved to the dance floor just as a slow Christmas love song began to play. Her hands curled into tight balls as she watched Zoe step closer to John as it seemed she was whispering something in his ear.

"You should go cut in…."

Joss forced her gaze off John and onto whom the voice belonged to, which so happened to be Shaw, as she sat down beside her. "Why don't you go dance with your girlfriend?" Joss suggested, not wanting to argue about John again.

Shaw scoffed. "Christmas music is lame. Do I look like the type to dance to _Jingle Bell Rock_?" she all but growled.

Joss smirked. "No, but you're also not the type of someone I'm going to take unsolicited advice from," she murmured as her eyes drifted back on the pair on the dance floor, feeling her smirk fade and replaced with an angry scowl.

"Is that true even when I'm right?" Shaw demanded.

Joss turned to glower at Shaw and noted with dismay the gleam in her eyes over her irritation. "You're the one that suggested to Zoe to ask John to dance weren't you," she stated rather than asked.

"Who me?" Shaw said, while trying to sound innocent but the woman was a wolf in sheep's clothes. Joss just eyed her and waited. And as suspected Shaw folded as her innocent look faded as it turned wicked. "Still nothing gets by you. If you weren't Reese's I'd take a stab at you," Shaw murmured almost dreamily.

She rolled her eyes in response. "You're happy with Root and stop changing the subject Shaw. I am not going to do what you want; I don't want John stressed and pressured to remember a love and then be unable to. He's been through enough and is finally beginning to remember," she stated, feeling like a broken record. "And how the hell did you convince Zoe to dance with John, she was on my side about how to handle things with him."

"I owe her a favor in the future, you know how fixers are," Shaw explained as she chugged down the last of her champagne. "What did he remember?"

"He remembered the night we met but not our actual meeting. He didn't remember being a homeless man but John did recall the ass kicking he gave the four punks on the subway."

Shaw sighed impatiently. "It's not much," she complained.

"But it's a start." Joss repeated the same thing she had said to John to Shaw. "And that's because we are following doctor's orders, Shaw. I'm going to stay the course no matter how long it takes because John's worth it."

"Fine, be miserable, Carter. See if I help you out anymore." Shaw stated angrily as she stood.

Joss refrained from saying she never wanted her help in the first place because she knew when to give Shaw the last word. The tiny angry Persian wasn't the most patient person, neither was she, but for John she'd do anything. Her eyes found John and Zoe, and a wave of possessiveness washed over her. She caught Zoe's gaze who gave her a subtle nod. What was the harm in dancing with John? Maybe he might remember holding her. Joss waited until the song was over before climbing to her feet, not about to let Shaw think her plan worked, and headed her way over to the pair as they were just separating. _Last Christmas_ began playing just as John turned.

"May I have this dance?" Joss asked.

John smiled a little as he stepped towards her and pulled her close, and they began swaying with the music. She was staring up into his eyes and he felt a little uncertain. "Did you remember anything since this morning?" she requested softly.

He shook his head. "No," he answered. John knew his memories were there but just out of reach. It was like an old TV, the antenna needed adjusting to find the right channel, but he didn't know which way to move it. He'd get glimpses and then they would be gone before he could make anything out. It gave him hope but he was growing more discouraged every day. His gaze found hers and he held her closer. Something about Joss calmed him. It felt like his body recognized her while his mind couldn't. She said they were friends but what he felt around her wasn't remotely friendly which left him even more confused. Dr. Campbell thought he should tell Joss but he was scared to; what if when he remembered his life again, he'd know that they were nothing but friends and he ruined it by developing feelings she didn't share.

The music went on and he danced with her though never letting things get too close and when the song ended he stepped back. "I think I'm danced out." he admitted needing a little space from this woman, who was just a friend. John brushed past her and headed for their table not noticing everyone watching them.

Joss felt tears burn the backs of her eyes because this was sheer torture. She had been so close to just blurting out the truth because she couldn't take it anymore. Being in his arms just reminded her exactly what she's been missing these last few months and it was unbearable. They were connected in a way she never was with anyone else and it felt severed, and she physically ached from it.

"Joss…."

She blinked at the sound of her name and turned her head, only then realizing she was standing in the middle of the dance floor, looking stupid without a partner, seeing pitying glances her way, but focused on Iris who called for her.

Joss moved over to Iris and Lionel, ignoring the sympathetic gazes as she did. Lionel nudged Iris forward as he said; "Iris has something to tell you."

Joss watched as the couple shared a long look and Iris sighed as she looked at her.

"I need you to understand Joss that I thought about this long and hard. I wasn't going to say anything but then I saw you and John dancing, and decided to confide in the man I'm falling in love with," she stated primly. Lionel grabbed a hold of her hand and smiled encouragingly. "I'm breaking patient/doctor confidentiality by discussing what John said in a session. But I know how much John means to both of you so ethics goes straight out the window when I know I can help."

Joss wasn't in the mood for another person to give her their unwanted advice on how to handle what was going on. "Listen Iris, I don't want to hear how to handle John's amnesia…"

Iris cut her off; "John admitted in a session to having feelings for you which I then urged him to tell you about but he declined doing so claiming that he was told you two were only friends. I tried every trick in my therapist repertoire to get him to confess his feelings to you so you could come clean about the true nature of your relationship, but he clammed up and ended our session early," Iris finished as she wrung her hands together looking remorseful but yet hopeful at the same time.

Joss just gaped at Iris. "Are they memories of his love for me or has he developed new feelings for me?" she asked rather breathlessly.

"Honestly, he didn't specify how deep these feelings are but in my professional opinion I believe his head can't catch up with his heart. John is in love with you, Joss, but to him these feelings he's having are new because he can't remember feeling them before, and it's upsetting him since he only believes you two to be just friends," Iris murmured gently as a reassuring smile filled her petite face. "And if I might add, throwing professionalism out of the equation, Joss, I think you should tell him the truth about your relationship."

God, did she want to also, but he was beginning to remember and would telling him impede his recovery? Half of her wanted to be selfish and tell him so she wouldn't feel like a hole was in place of where her heart should be. But the other half, the unselfish part of her, couldn't fathom putting her needs over John's. He was so selfless and needed someone to put him first for once.

"I can't Iris. His doctors said no stress and telling him the truth especially after letting him believe we were just friends for months now would be beyond stressful."

Iris frowned but it was Lionel who spoke; "Carter, the big guy is already stressed and anxious. He knows everyone knows things about him and knows there are things off about himself that he can't quite decipher on his own. We've tried the 'not telling him way' without results so maybe by telling him the truth about the two of you might trigger his memories and we all get our big guy back."

She looked to John as he sat talking quietly with Harold turning over Fusco's words in her mind. Her decision made, even if it was a bad one, she headed straight for John as Harper, Logan, and Joey all stepped aside so she had a clear path to him.

"Make him remember me, his best friend," Logan said as she bypassed him.

Joss rolled her eyes but didn't stop, for anyone or anything, until she was directly in front of him and waited for him to look up. John did and she couldn't help but notice the grin on Shaw's face. Apparently everyone at the table knew what she was about to do. Joss realized she was painfully transparent but she couldn't find it in her to care.

"Can we go somewhere to talk, John?" she asked with an intense gaze. Then shifted it off John and looked from Harold, to Shaw and Root, and then back to John. "Alone." she stated tersely.

"Uh, sure…we can talk out in the lobby area." he offered, glancing around the table and room seeing the stupid grins on everyone's faces and unsure of what was going on.

She nodded. "I'll be out there in a second," she murmured. John frowned as he stood feeling as though everyone knew what was happening except for him. He strode for the doors that led to the lobby exasperated.

John exited the banquet hall and loitered around the empty lobby waiting for Joss. It was cooler out there and he stood off to the side. When she exited the banquet hall, the music growing loud and then quiet as the door swung closed behind her, she didn't immediately see him and he looked her over. Inside the banquet hall it was dimmed low so the Christmas lights and candles could illuminate the room. Out in the lobby under the fluorescent lights he got to see everything he couldn't see earlier. But Joss was simply gorgeous in the emerald green backless skintight dress that had a sheer turtleneck. It looked like it was made for her. The hem went mid-thigh and it was sleeveless with a diamond shape cutout above the swell of her breasts. It made him salivate but it shouldn't because they were just friends, right?

Joss turned and finally found him. "Stop trying to blend in John," she admonished with a small smile on her nice full looking lips.

He shrugged as a smile tilted up his. "Habits are hard to break." he replied.

Her gaze turned sharp. "And how do you know that you have a habit of trying to blend in with your surroundings?" she asked. John frowned and then furrowed his brows. How did he know that? "Never mind John, I wanted to talk to you about something personal."

"Okay, about what?"

She moved close to him as her eyes searched his gaze. "About something you should know about yourself. I wasn't going to say anything because the doctors told us that undue stress wasn't good for you, and I didn't want to pressure you into remembering something you couldn't," she explained as she inched closer to him. "But I can't keep it from you any longer."

"And what don't I remember, Carter?" he questioned. Finally, someone was going to tell him something. It irritated him that none of his friends or colleagues would tell him about himself. No one wanted him stressed but he was stressed by everyone knowing things about him and not sharing.

"This," she said as she reached up and cupped his cheeks to tug his head down and kissed him. His startled gasp was demoralizing but when his arms came around her, crushing her body to his and responded to her kiss with urgency, her heart exploded in happiness. His mind might not remember her but his body and soul sure the hell did.

Joss readily let him take control of the kiss and basked in his embrace because it felt like forever since they last kissed. Their last kiss was of the 'goodbye-and-you-better-make-it-or-I'm-going-to-hate-you' kind. This, this was passionate and evoking sensations that lied dormant for months now and her knees went weak as he dipped her back, and she looped her arms around his neck enjoying the feeling of falling and having his strong arms keeping her from doing so. John's mouth was incessant and demanding as he coaxed her lips to part, and when they did he rewarded her with his tongue playing along with hers. He kept kissing her and kissing her until finally after several desperate moments it ended with them both breathing in raggedly.

She clung to his muscular frame for support to remain upright. Her legs had suddenly gone all jelly like. His lips were ruddy from her lipstick, and wet and enticing. He looked about how she felt…aroused. "We're not just friends are we, Joss?" he asked, voice thick and raspy making her shiver as memories of that voice calling her name in the throes of pleasure.

It made her yearn for him to remember even more. Joss noted he still hadn't let her go but had straightened them. "No, we're not just friends." she answered and felt bereft as he let her go and took a few steps back.

"Why are you just now telling me?" he demanded, angry she let him believe something that wasn't true. He had been agonizing over the feelings he was having for her when obviously they shared a romantic relationship.

Joss sighed and licked her thoroughly kissed lips. "There's so much about yourself you don't know, John, our relationship is just the tip of the iceberg," she admitted quietly, risking a glance up to look in his beautiful eyes. Joss saw the anger but also desire, confusion, and frustration swimming there too. She wanted to wrap her arms around him and promise things would get better but she didn't know if that was true. She didn't know if John would ever remember her or his previous life. But she wasn't going to give up. If he couldn't remember her than she'd make him fall in love with her all over again; surely it wouldn't be difficult since the feelings were still there even if he couldn't remember them.

"I'm not a cop am I?" he asked gruffly. John tried to swallow the growing panic he was feeling. Everything he believed wasn't true, so who the hell was he? Why did everyone lie? Was there a reason to lie?

Joss met his gaze head on. "You are and not, John. Your alias Riley is a cop. But your other alias used to work on Wall Street. Your other alias is an Assets manager. And another is a wealthy multimillionaire." she said softly and his eyes widened. "The real you, the one you want to know about is a soldier and did whatever necessary for his country and to protect people."

"Who the hell am I?" he rasped.

"I can tell you that." Joss looked away from John at the sound of Finch's voice. Her eyes widened as she saw all their friends standing in the doorway looking very much like the nosy busybodies they were, so much for their promises to keep out of it. John seemed just as surprised as she was to see they had gathered an audience. "I know everything there is to know about you, Mr. Reese." All eyes strayed to John to see if he'd react to the alias he was given in the CIA. There was zero recognition and Joss felt herself deflate even more in disappointment. He didn't remember her after their kiss, and he didn't remember himself after hearing the name he'd been for a long time. "Perhaps it's best if it's just me and John."

She wanted to refuse but Harold was always with John, working the numbers, and could explain the super computers far better than she could, and they've been friends. Swallowing her pride she nodded. "Maybe it's for the best," she agreed. "But the moment he begins to exhibit symptoms of a migraine you should stop."

John narrowed his eyes on Joss. "How do you know I suffer from migraines?" he demanded.

"My mother has had them for years and I learned to recognize the signs. I'm sure Finch can be brought up to speed about them from Shaw before you two sit down. I need to go make an appearance at my ex-husband's Christmas party and pick up my son." she said before looking up into John's eyes and lifted a hand to palm his cheek. "Take it easy, I want the man I love back," she whispered. His lips parted in surprise but she brushed past him, letting her hand fall away, and left to go grab her things without a backwards glance.

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AN: And here we go :)

Thank you for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

Christmas morning wasn't as it used to be. Taylor was all grown up and got up whenever. Usually Joss liked that but not today, this morning she was wide awake at five in the morning and had a hankering to open some presents to cheer up. Really she hadn't slept much; couldn't when all she could think about is the kiss that she shared with John last night. And that Finch was telling him everything that he needed to know about himself minus a few things that she knew of that John hadn't shared with anyone else except her.

Joss sat curled up on her couch, coffee in hand, and eyed her Christmas tree. There were about fifteen or so presents under the tree. Most of them were for Taylor. But there was one that she didn't remember seeing when they had put the presents under the tree yesterday morning. It caught her eye over twenty minutes ago because it didn't match the rest of the wrapping paper and she hadn't been able to stop staring at it. Cursing herself for being ridiculous she set her coffee down, tugging the edges of her sweater together and folding her arms over her chest, she stood and padded over to the gift in question.

Moving cautiously she bent and picked it up to see first who it was addressed too and found, unsurprisingly, it was unaddressed. She'd have to wait until her son got up to find out if it was from a friend for him or not but she didn't think so. Taylor exchanged gifts with his friends a week earlier than Christmas because he was going to be busy with her, his dad, and his new girlfriend. But what if it was for her, say from a lover who just remembered her? God she prayed so.

Joss carried the gift to her couch as she sat back down, curling her legs under her and held it in her hands. "Opening gifts without me." She looked up and saw Taylor coming down the stairs with a sleepy smile. She smiled back and felt proud and a pinch of sadness at how grown up her boy was. Joss missed when he was her little man all ecstatic Santa had come.

"Debating about it," she answered honestly. She held the gift out for his inspection as he approached to drop a kiss on her cheek which she happily reciprocated. "I think it's from John."

Taylor disappeared into the kitchen for several minutes before returning with a mug of coffee in hand and sat on the couch beside her. "That's because it is; he gave me it the day before he ended up in the hospital in critical condition to hold onto it for you until Christmas morning. I waited until you went to lie down for the night last night to bring it out because I didn't want to upset you."

Joss stared at her son then to the present as the implication sunk in. "John truly believed that he wasn't going to make it out of the takedown alive," she said, more to herself than to her son. Pure white hot rage boiled up in her. How dare he think she'd accept his gift in place of him?

"I think he wanted you to know how much you meant to him if the worse came to pass," Taylor acknowledged, seeing the anger in his mom's eyes and felt the need to defend John.

Joss sat forward and set the gift on the coffee table not ready to know what the contents were. "Let's open gifts since your up," she suggested as she stood.

Taylor went first as he ripped open into his gifts at lightning speed. He loved his video games, athletic apparel, and the weightlifting classes that she got him. She went next; loving the blouses, perfume, and gift-cards to various restaurants she enjoyed. Wrapping paper littered the floor before them and their gifts on the coffee table surrounding the lone gift left unopened. Both their gazes landed meaningfully onto the present.

"I've been wondering what John got you since the day he gave it to me to hold onto it," Taylor admitted. She forced herself forward to pick it up. Joss tore into the wrapping paper slowly which made Taylor wiggle with impatience. Her breath lodged in her throat when she saw the black velvet case. "Looks like jewelry," he added.

"Yea," she managed to push out of her mouth. Slowly she opened the case and was greeted with the most beautiful and clearest cut diamond ring she ever seen in her life. It was thin band in white gold with a diamond halo to highlight the beautiful clear diamond in the middle.

Taylor's eyes widened like saucers. "Holy shit, John was going to propose!" he exclaimed. With her heart in her throat she couldn't even reprimand her son for cussing on Christmas morning because she felt like she was choking on her emotions. Carefully she removed the gorgeous ring from the case, with trembling fingers, and turned it to see if John had it inscribed and he had. She couldn't make out the words because her vision blurred as tears welled up. "Want me to read it?" Taylor offered quietly. She simply nodded and handed it to him. Taylor turned it to read the small wording. "It reads: I'm always with you."

Joss stood from the couch as a small choked sob escaped her throat and she instantly began trying to compose herself hating to cry in front of her kid. All the anger she felt over the fact that John had given her son a gift to hold onto to give to her just in case something horrible happened to him was erased. Gone because the ring wasn't an attempt at replacing his self but rather an attempt at showing her how much he loved her even should he take his last breath of life. Marriage wasn't something either of them ever even contemplated but the fact that John loved her to the point of wanting everyone to know he was hers and she was his, meant a lot. It meant a damned lot because she knew he never once thought of marriage before her.

Taylor climbed to his feet and held out the ring to her. "If he asked you, what would you say?"

She took the gorgeous ring gingerly before slipping it onto her ring finger noting that it fit perfectly. She couldn't even begin to fathom how he knew her ring size. Without removing her gaze off the sparkling ring on her finger she whispered, "I'd say 'yes,'" because Joss was afraid to speak any louder or her son would know how close she was to losing the tight grasp on her emotions.

The knock on the door startled them both. "I'll go see who it is," Taylor offered as he turned and strode for the door. Joss heard some murmuring before the door closed, and her son called for her.

Joss eyed her ring before moving for the foyer and her breath caught in her throat as John stood inside, with exhausted eyes. His hands were shoved in the pockets of his long wool coat that was buttoned up tight to ward off the chilly December air. He looked cold as though he had walked the streets of New York before showing up, and she had tempting ideas at how to warm him up none of which including hot chocolate or coffee.

"Well, I'll let you two chat since I have some video games I need to install." Taylor said, breaking the silence, and beat a hasty retreat to go grab his new games and then ran up the stairs. No way was he being a third wheel on that conversation. Hopefully, John would be staying for Christmas dinner with some more memories.

She wasn't prepared to see him so quickly after receiving his gift. "Doesn't look like you slept," she commented softly.

"I didn't. Harold spent all night telling me about myself," John said lowly. The disappointment was plain to see on her face. She knew without him needing to say a word that he didn't remember anything more. It unnerved and comforted him at the same time to have someone know him so well. Made him want to remember even more because he wanted to know why she loved him as much as she did. From what he understood from Finch he had struggled with who he was and had done for the CIA. Harold had asked to reconvene later this afternoon because he needed rest. John needed some too but he couldn't without seeing Joss first. "Some of the things he told me sounded familiar but nothing Harold said brought forth any of my missing memories," he acknowledged, removing his hands from his coat's pockets to run one through his hair. He felt as though he had let her down.

She nodded sadly. The hope that John would miraculously begin to remember after Harold told him everything was fading quickly. She had to come to terms with the very real possibility that John might never remember his past, her, or their love they shared.

Joss stared at him with the engagement ring heavy on her hand. She knew he loved her. To him, right now, it was new and he wasn't sure what the feelings he felt were but she did. "It's okay John; even if you never remember your past or me I'm just going to make you fall in love with me all over again," she murmured as a smile found its way on her lips. "I want you to stay and we'll talk over some coffee and Christmas cookies."

John watched as she approached him; he hadn't moved from his position in front of her closed front door, and reached out to undo the buttons and slide his wool coat off his shoulders. She smelled of a scent that seemed familiar to him.

She kept their gazes locked, seeing the way heat leapt in his eyes. His coat fell to the floor, with only the sound of the buttons hitting the hardwood making any sound aside from their own pounding hearts. "Didn't even go home to change," she commented on the fact that he was in his black Hugo Boss suit but it was clearly wrinkled from spending all last evening and night in it. Joss pushed his suit blazer off his shoulders and it fell unwanted with the coat itself. Her hands came to rest on his strong hips as she stepped closer to him with her chin tipped upward and felt the magnetic pull between them ever present.

"Joss," he breathed her name like a prayer before he swallowed hard. "I want to remember you and how I felt about you. Help me remember," he pleaded. It was unfair to ask her to fix him but damn it he knew she could. Somehow he knew she saved him before.

She felt his anguish, heard his urgency, and knew his anger because she experienced them all herself. "I want you to remember John, I want to help you but I don't know how."

"You changed me, now fix me," he whispered in anguish and she sucked in a ragged breath as he bent his head and kissed her. John groaned at how unbelievably soft her lips were. Cupping her cheeks in his cold hands he desperately urged her lips to part and pressed his tongue into her warm waiting mouth. Physical desire warred with his emotional distress. His head began to pound as he willed himself to remember something.

Joss moaned as she kissed him back hungrily as her body eagerly pressed against his, liking that he had no escape as he leaned against the door, and willingly let himself be consumed by their fervor. He could only feel and experience. Her hands slid from his hips up his chest coming to a rest on his strong shoulders as she fisted her hands into his white dress shirt and kissed him with mounting need. He broke away only to tilt his head to the side and kissed her deeply and she pressed harder against him feeling what their kiss was doing to him physically against her belly. Joss loved the height advantage he had; it always made her feel small and feminine around him. She hadn't donned a bra since she was still in her jammies and only a sweater to cover up. Her chest pressed against him and her nipples hardened as she could feel the strong wall of muscle through even their clothes.

She had to pull back or risk passing out from lack of oxygen, as she did she sucked his lower lip between her lips and finally pulled away. After a ragged second of sucking in a deep breath she moved to kiss him again but he stopped her.

Joss looked up and ignored the sexual haze that was settling on her because she saw desire in his eyes but something else floated in his blue depths too. "You remembered something." she said rather than asked.

He ran his thumbs lightly up and down on her cheeks and shivered a little as he caught a glimpse of his life before. It was a broken fragment. "Something," he agreed tentatively.

Joss pushed back reluctantly and grabbed his hands tugging him towards the living room. "Let's sit and you can tell me about it so I can maybe help fill in the blanks," she offered. John nodded and followed her into the living room to her couch neither pausing to pick up his forgotten jackets. They sat down quietly on her couch as she reached a hand up into his hair. "What did you remember?" she asked when he hadn't said a word. Joss stroked her fingers at the nape of his neck.

He looked away. "It was just the two of us and we were," he paused as he closed his eyes, conjuring up the broken fragment of his memory. "…in a morgue?" he said questioningly but judging by the way her hand in his hair stilled he was right.

"Yes, we were in a morgue together once," she assured after a moment and her hand resumed its movement in his hair.

John kept his eyes closed to help him recall the fragmented memory as she distracted him quite easily. "You had told me about your closest call."

"And?" she led, not actually saying whether or not she had.

His eyes snapped open as he looked at her stomach. "You have a large scar from a land mine." he rasped as he looked up to search her eyes to see if he was right. She nodded and he watched as hope filled her eyes. It gave him some too. He narrowed his gaze on her as he concentrated on that one memory he had. "But it wasn't your closest call."

"No, it wasn't." she agreed, her voice sounded rough.

John sat staring at her because the memory was in pieces. He remembered parts of it. They were in the morgue and it felt as though danger lurked close. She had joked about needing to kill HR before they autopsied them. But the memory of what her closest call was blank still. Joss cleared her throat as she leaned back and removed her hand from his hair to reach down and tug her shirt up. His eyes drifted down and didn't feel surprised as he stared at the large puckered old scar. He reached out and rubbed an index finger across it and her body shook.

"I remember touching you like this before but we were in bed together," he whispered as another memory burst into his mind but was frustrated when no more came.

"You did. You kissed every inch of my scar." she said.

"But it wasn't your closest call," he murmured sounding angry.

"No, it wasn't." she repeated. "Do you remember telling me yours?" she asked, wanting him to stop getting angry about not remembering and focused on something else that he might be able to.

John was about to look up at her when he stopped at the ring on her left hand. His eyes widened as he looked up and gaped at her. "We're engaged?!" he demanded.

A smile made its way on her face. "No, not really since you never actually asked me. But you did give me this ring as a gift today." she admitted, he eyed her confused. "You gave it to Taylor to give it to me today because you didn't think you were going to survive the takedown of Samaritan. And Taylor did as you asked." she explained as she pushed her shirt down and stroked his face. "And if you do ever ask me the answer will forever be: I'm yours and I'd be honored to be your wife."

"I need to remember," he whispered more to himself. He had wanted to propose to this woman. He wanted to spend his life with her. And he had wanted her to know that in case he died in the takedown of Samaritan. The fact that there were warring artificial intelligences blew his mind. John was sure when he did regain his memories it wouldn't but right now it did.

"You will, John. Memories are finally coming back slowly and maybe you're not getting the full picture yet but they're coming. Though you never answered me: do you remember you telling me your closest call?" she asked. When he shook his head she got an idea. "Stay put, I need to go get something that you gave me the day you left." she instructed as she raced up the stairs and into her bedroom. It sat resting on the night stand ever since he gave it to her. It reminded her that he survived worse.

Joss grabbed it and hurried to the stairs when her son's door opened. "Does he remember anything yet?" he asked quietly.

She shook her head. "He's remembering pieces of memories which is more than we've had before." she admitted and then rushed down the stairs and left her son to go back in his room. Joss found John sitting on the couch where she left him. She sat down beside him barely leaving him any personal space.

"You gave me this to hold onto for you," Joss said and held out the bullet he had given her.

He frowned as he took it. "I gave you a bullet," he remarked, stymied. Well, maybe he was only good at gifting when it was a matter of life and death.

She nodded. "With your name on it," she added and he looked up at her in surprise. "That was your closest call."

A flurry of memories came and then stopped; he recalled their first meeting, his first meeting of Harold Finch, and just how close he had been to killing himself. John concentrated hard on the other memories eluding his grasp, so much so he felt a stirring of a headache, which made him rub his forehead.

"You're getting a migraine aren't you?" she asked sharply.

John sighed. "Can't pull a fast one by you," he grumbled, keeping the fact that he remembered more to himself for the time being.

"No, you're sleep deprived and you're trying too hard to remember." Joss replied as she frowned. "Let me get you a cup of coffee and we relax, and see how things go," she suggested hopefully.

He shook his head as he stood up and she followed. "I've had about six cups of coffee already. But you're right, I am sleep deprived, maybe I should head home and get some sleep and see if that will help."

Part of her wanted to offer their bed but she didn't want to push too hard. He was already beginning to have a migraine from pressuring himself too much. Joss reluctantly followed him to the foyer where he bent and grabbed his suit blazer and wool coat making her remember how they ended up on the floor in the first place.

"So what's on tap for you today?" she asked watching him draw his blazer on first.

"I'm going to sleep for a little bit before I'm going to meet up with Harold again to find out more about myself. Harold needed rest and we agreed to meet again in the afternoon." John murmured as he pulled on his wool coat and cinched the buttons up one at a time. He met her gaze. "I want to remember."

"How about afterwards you come over for Christmas dinner with me, my son, and my mother?" she suggested.

John forced his lips up even though his head pounded and he felt his stomach begin to churn. He needed to get home and some sleep before he grew dizzy. "I'll try," he answered vaguely. And just as expected concern colored her features as she narrowed her gaze on him.

"It's going to be a bad one isn't it?" she demanded. When weren't they?—but he simply shrugged as he turned to leave but stopped when she grabbed his arm and he felt a sense of déjà vu as he turned to look at her. "Have you thought about asking for medication to help deal with the migraines, John?"

"They're just a result of my traumatic injury, Joss. I'm sure as I heal over time they'll disappear."

Joss wasn't so sure. As she figured John was going to have them the rest of his life. But once he could remember then she could browbeat him into relaxing and letting her soothe his aches and pangs. "Text me that you got home safe." she said rather than asked.

He sighed. "Joss, you worry too much."

"And you don't worry enough about yourself," she countered. "Text me…please."

They shared a look and when his expression softened she knew he figured her out. "Alright, I'll text you that I got back home safe," he promised softly, and with that he pulled away to leave. Joss had to stand at the door watching him go feeling no closer to having the man she loved back than before he showed up.

Closing the door she leaned up against it, exhausted both physically from lack of sleep and emotionally. Joss stayed like that for a full minute or morebefore pushing away, needing to get ready for the day and hoped like hell John would be able to come for dinner.

* * *

AN: I didn't want him to immediately remember everything because it felt unnatural. So poor John and Joss must suffer through the fact that he now knows about them and himself but still can't remember, and they need to muddle through it. 

Thank you for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

_**AN: Sorry for the lapse in updates but I had to deal with a few ice storms that knocked out my power :/ but thankfully I was safe. So here is two chapters to make up for it! Oh, and next chapter has some loving so that is the reason why this got bumped up to M.  
**_

* * *

"I think you two should go on dates to places where you went before that might jog his memory," Taylor suggested, trying to be helpful.

Joss stood in her kitchen getting dinner finished with her son and mother, both seemed perfectly happy to give advice on what to do about John's memories. Her mother gaped at the diamond ring on her finger, which she had to explain why John gave Taylor the ring to hold onto with careful tweaks of the truth. Her mother didn't know that John was a badass vigilante. But the moment she told her mother that John knew the truth of their relationship the how she got the ring didn't matter because her mother had been adamant she'd tell John the truth.

Her momma beamed at Taylor. "My grandson takes just after his momma with his wit, charm, looks, and especially his intelligence."

Joss sighed, so much for Paul contributing anything to their son as her mother never forgave Paul for what happened during their marriage. "As much as I would love to take John down memory lane quite literally I don't think it will work." she remarked as she set the oven mitts aside and picked up the large knife to begin cutting into the juicy ham they were going to be having.

"Why wouldn't it work, mom?"

"If he didn't remember me after we kissed than how is where we went to for our first date going to spark one?" she questioned. Both her mother's and son's smiles dimmed as they hadn't thought of that. "But maybe instead of taking John to places we've been to together in the past we head to new places to make new memories, and maybe while doing that it might reawaken his missing ones," she thought out loud.

Both Taylor and her mother grinned mightily. "Okay, I admit mom your idea is way better." Taylor acknowledged.

Joss looked up and forced a smile but it fooled no one, especially her mother. "What's the matter, baby?" her mother asked as she moved close playing with her hair.

"It's been hard, momma. It's been really hard and as lame as it sounds I'd give this ring back if I could have John instead, and it doesn't look like he'll be coming tonight," she muttered unable to keep eye contact.

"He'll be here," her mother answered instantly. Joss smiled a little at the optimism in her mother's voice. "Sweetheart, John loves you. I don't care what kind of traumatic brain injury he endured, a love like that just doesn't get erased. He'll be here because he can't stay away."

Things grew quiet as Taylor set the table including a place setting for John as her mother went back to finishing up making the salad. While they worked Joss thought about her mother's assurance that John would be here. Joss was never the type to be optimistic but in this case maybe she'd make an exception.

A knock on the door stopped everyone as they all turned towards the sound, and then looked at each other her mother had a 'I-told-you-so' smile while her son had a hopeful grin on his handsome face. "I'll get it." Joss stated setting the knife down quickly in the sink and raced for the door.

She flung the door open and couldn't help but feel her heart melt as John stood on the opposite side in jeans and his leather bomber on. He pulled his arm out from behind him and held out an expensive bottle of wine.

"I wasn't sure what to bring." he admitted awkwardly as she took it from him and motioned him in.

Joss refused to feel disappointed that no more memories had emerged from his talk with Harold this afternoon. Instead she was happy he could join them for dinner. "Just yourself would have been fine," she assured him, though understanding how he felt. Hadn't she wondered what to wear in case he had remembered her? "But I'll never say no to wine," she teased as she smiled and he smiled back. John broke the eye contact first as he turned and removed his jacket. Her eyes raked a hungry look over his butt. "I'm glad you could make it."

He turned to face her and she let her gaze slowly wander up his body and land on his eyes. He clearly knew where she'd been looking and he slowly wandered his gaze down her body scorching her everywhere before lifting it back up to her eyes himself.

"I wouldn't miss it," he whispered lowly meaningfully.

Joss led him into the kitchen where her son and mother waited patiently, obviously exercising restraint to give her some privacy. John followed slowly. Her mother hurried over to him. John, who towered over her momma as she stood at a meager five foot stature, had to bend down to accept her hug.

"Merry Christmas, John," Alice said as she rubbed his back.

John smiled feeling more at ease, seeing Joss's mother for a second time. But this time was different now that he knew he shared a meaningful relationship with her daughter. "Merry Christmas Mrs…"

"None of that Mrs. phooey, John, we've had this conversation before though you can't remember it," her mother exclaimed pulling back out of the hug and cupped his cheeks. "You are family, I'm 'mom' to you."

Joss sighed as John looked uncomfortable just as he had when her mother insisted he call her mom when they met for the first time when he had memories. "Momma, you know John struggles with calling you mom even when he had his memories,"she admonished before turning her attention to John. "John, call her Alice," she instructed.

"Alice it is I guess, but now that my beautiful but stubborn daughter finally told you the truth about the relationship you share I can finally say what I wanted to then, now: the way you love my daughter is forever, and I know in my heart you feel it still even if you can't remember it."

John stared down at Joss's small mother. "I do, Alice," he assured softly. He heard Joss's inhalation but focused on the elder woman in front of him. "I want to remember it though."

"It starts with feeling it, John. The rest will come," she reassured as she reached up and patted his cheek lovingly.

"But when?" he asked, more to himself, though sounding petulantly.

"Don't we all want to know when," Joss grumbled. "Let's eat." she instructed.

Over the next half hour they settled in and ate a delicious Christmas dinner as they talked, or rather John listened for the most part, only speaking here and there. John sat between Joss and Taylor while her mother was sat opposite of him at the small table for four.

John sat back and patted his flat muscular tummy. "That was delicious, Joss, I'm so full I don't think I can move."

Joss smiled at his praise but then looked at her momma when she spoke; "You might not be able to but Taylor wanted to show me what he got from his mother for Christmas. Isn't that right honey?" her mother looked expectantly at Taylor.

"R-right grandma," Taylor agreed with only a slight stammer.

She shared a look with John, who knew exactly what her mother was up, and so did she because her mother wasn't refined in the slightest. They watched in amusement as her seventy-four year old mother, who didn't have a single clue about video games, followed Taylor out of the kitchen as fast as her little legs would take her.

John shifted his gaze off the departing pair and onto her. "Clearly she wants to give us a little alone time," he commented with a small, almost shy, smile on his handsome face.

"My mother doesn't have a subtle bone in her body," she agreed. "Although I'm glad since I want to talk to you alone."

John nodded. "I wanted to talk to you alone too," he murmured.

"You know the rules: ladies go first," she teased which earned her a small smirk. "Next week sometime I want us to go out together. No expectations and no pressure."

"Like a date?" he asked. Joss nodded in answer and John chewed it over in his head. "I'm not sure if that will jog my memory or not but I'm willing to try."

"No, not to jog your memory but to make new ones," she explained.

It wasn't a bad idea but he wasn't sure if he wanted to make new ones when he was still missing his old ones. "We can try," he agreed and she smiled. "But not next week; it will need to wait until after the new year because this afternoon Harold suggested and I agreed that I need some time away."

Joss felt her smile fade. Harold suggested what? "What?" she breathed trying to comprehend what he meant by 'time away'. Did that mean time away from her or from here?

"He thinks that I'm trying too hard to remember especially now that I know the truth and so Harold thought I'd benefit if I went somewhere out of New York to rest and relax for a week," he explained.

"I see…." Though she really didn't.

John frowned at how she spoke. It sounded as though she was upset. "It's not to get away from you, Joss, if that's what you're thinking. It's about getting a fresh perspective because I need to come to terms with the fact that I might never remember and that's a bitter pill for me to swallow," he acknowledged gruffly.

"But your memory…"

"Is in pieces, Joss," he finished for her as he stood and ran a hand through his hair. "I remember bits and pieces of my life. I remember meeting you and wanting to die that night. I remember meeting Harold for the first time when he offered me a job because he knew I needed a purpose again after Jessica died."

"Do you remember Jessica?" she asked though it felt like she was choking on her own heart because if he said yes but couldn't remember her she didn't think her heart would ever be whole again. Joss stood as she wrapped her arms around her middle to protect herself from whatever he might say.

"Not this grand love I must have felt for her to the point of wanting to take my life, no. I only remember us meeting up at an airport and she was engaged to someone else, but that's it."

A breath of relief expelled from her; as cruel as it sounded she was glad he couldn't remember Jessica any more than he could remember her. "I'm a terrible person but I'm glad you don't remember her more than me,"she whispered guiltily.

He let out a soft grunt as he stepped towards her and cupped her cheeks in his hands and she helplessly wrapped hers around his wrists. "Don't ever think yourself a bad person, Joss, because you're not. You've sacrificed a lot while trying to let me be as stressed free as I could."

"What else have you remembered?"

"Not much more. I know more than I remember; that I always turned to you when I needed someone. It's hard to explain how I feel around you, Joss. I don't remember our love but I feel it all the same," John murmured as his thumbs rubbed her soft cheeks.

"As momma said 'that is a start.' Stay and let me help you come to terms, John. You've said I'm always the one you turned to when you needed someone, so turn to me now," she cajoled.

John searched her gaze. "I think I need this, Joss. I spent months rehabbing and I'm not even a hundred percent yet. Harold owns a mansion in Antigua, and claims it's secluded and has a private beach."

"Knowing Finch it's more than secluded, it's probably something like Fort Knox where no one can get in or out," she grumbled but was determined to be happy for him. She could wait ten days for their first date in months. John needed rest and relaxation, and who was she to say that he couldn't have some alone time to think things over about his life. She understood, more than he knew. Maybe not what it felt like to be without your memories or having scattered memories but she knew what it felt like to pick up the pieces of your life and start over again. It happened to her after she was injured in Fallujah and flashbacked to when her friend died and she survived. But she just didn't want him so damn far away from her.

"So you understand why I need this time away?" he asked cautiously. Joss forced her head to nod. She understood but hated it. "When I get back we'll talk about when we can go out together."

"Sounds good," she said sounding cheery when she really felt gloomy; so much for having a great Christmas.


	5. Chapter 5

_**AN: Here's the second chapter of the 2 for 1 special today LOL.**_

* * *

After having a crummy night the night before you'd think she could sleep but Joss sat on the couch with a glass of milk in one hand and the remote in the other. John had left early, giving her enough time to tell her mother and Taylor about John's plans for a vacation alone in Antigua to do some rejuvenating and relaxing. Her mother thought it was great. Her son was supportive. And she was just downright miserable.

Flinging the useless remote down she pushed to her feet and stalked over to where she left her cell phone and decided to call Harold to give him a piece of her mind. She didn't care if she woke him up either as it would serve him right for causing her another sleepless night.

The phone rang several times before a rough 'hello detective' filtered through the earpiece. Yep, she woke him up and she smiled. "Want to tell me why in the hell you suggested to the man I love that he should travel alone to some private beach to lick his wounds?" she demanded angrily.

There was a rustling sound before she heard Harold murmur something and then ragged breathing. Clearly he was going someplace alone to speak without Grace hearing. "I'm sorry Detective but I do not want John to give up, which is why I suggested he take a break,"he explained softly.

Her anger evaporated. She sat down on her couch and leaned her head back. "I'm not mad, not really. I'm more frustrated and I had plans on us going out on a real date and this threw a crimp in those said plans," she muttered with a yawn as her eyes closed just for a moment.

"I was going to call you later this morning at a more reasonable time to inform you of the fact that I had the machine give you a few days off from work later this week so you could join John in Antigua. It will be four to be exact and then you two can fly home together on my private jet."

Joss sat forward and opened her eyes. "Excuse me?"

"Jocelyn, I let John believe he'd be alone for the week because I thought it would be a nice surprise for you to show up unannounced after a couple days of being by himself as he requested. Mr. Reese would climb the walls if left on his own for too long, and it would also give you two some quality alone time together."

"You're a dear friend, Harold," she murmured getting a little teary eyed.

"And the same can be said about you, Jocelyn. But I will call you back later this morning so we can discuss everything then," he replied sleepily.

"Goodnight, Harold."

"Goodnight Joss."

And Joss set the phone beside her and fell asleep contentedly.

* * *

Two days in beautiful Antigua with a private beach and an empty mansion helped John gained some insight. First, with a little reflection, he remembered he enjoyed meditation. While meditating against the backdrop of a beautiful ocean, he recalled a few more pieces of memories that had been eluding him. He wanted to call Joss to let her know that parts of their relationship came to him but didn't. He knew she was upset that he chose to leave instead of staying to lean on her. How could he call her and tell her he remembered more about them while he was miles away from her? Joss had been quietly suffering during his struggle to remember and it would only upset her.

The wind picked up and ruffled through his hair as he sat on the beach staring out into the beautiful ocean. This getaway was exactly what he needed. It helped enlighten him on how he should handle his future but also helped him remember parts of his past. And remembering parts of his past helped him be more at peace, where he was now.

"God, you're a vision."

John turned to the sound of Joss's voice and blinked in surprise as she approached him in a white lace sundress that billowed in the breeze. Her hair was sent flying over her left shoulder and she had a smile as she held one hand over her eyes. She approached him, walking barefoot in the sand and John half wondered if he was dreaming her. But when she sat down beside him on the blue beach towel he himself was sitting on, and dropped a kiss on his lips; he knew she was truly real.

"Joss, what are you doing here?" he wondered in awe.

She smiled. "Harold's a good friend. He wanted to give you a couple days away by yourself and then wanted us to have some alone time together," she explained simply. Her eyes slid over him eagerly. "You look good all tanned," she purred. He watched as she grabbed the waistband of his swim trunks to get a peek at his bare ass. "And no tan line either. Now that gives a girl some naughty thoughts."

John couldn't help but chuckle. "It's a private beach," he said in an explanation as to his sunbathing in the buff.

"mmm…" she sounded as though she had drifted off into those naughty thoughts of hers when finally she let the swim trunks snap back in place.

He watched her as she thought and when she looked up he felt his body respond to the ravenous desire in her eyes. Joss looked ready to pounce on him. "I remembered some things…" he offered placating, feeling less guilty now that she was here. Joss now was looking at him hopeful though desire still burned in her dark depths. "About us," he added and she smiled widely.

"You did?"

He nodded. "I still don't know how I got so lucky that you love me back," he commented gruffly, his mind flashing back to his bits of returning memory.

Joss shook her head as she leaned forward and rested her forehead against his with her hand coming up to cup the back of his neck. "I'm the lucky one. There's not a man in the world like you," she assured.

"There's not a woman in the world like you," he argued. "You could have any guy you'd want."

"I got the guy I want," she replied. "I just want him back. But I guess that is to be determined by this vacation and what exactly is everything that you've remembered."

John smiled. "Is that your clever way of asking what I remember about us?" he teased. She simply shrugged in response. "I remember more than before. I remember our first kiss that wasn't inside a morgue but don't remember where we went to on our first date but remember what happened afterwards. I remember telling you that I love you but don't remember giving Taylor the ring to hold onto."

"Your memory is spotty," she supplied and he nodded, resigned to the fact that it might forever be that way. "We can work on that. I'm sure with time and patience you will remember the rest."

"Or…" he sounded and she looked at him waiting for him to speak. "…we can reenact some of it," he murmured as he leaned over to press his lips against hers.

Her arms wound around his neck and he pulled her onto his lap as they kissed hungrily. John rested his hands on her thighs and slowly slid them up under her dress until he grabbed her hips. Joss let her hands rub his shoulders before sliding down to stroke his chest reveling in touching him in such a way.

He broke the kiss to suck at her neck and she ground against the burgeoning erection shamelessly. "I need you," he whispered throatily, voice heavy with desire.

"I thought nothing but this at night," she said just as lost in need. She didn't care if they were on a beach or in a bedroom. She had to have him now. "…of you inside me again, it caused many sleepless nights, and then I'd have to pretend we were just friends."

John rolled them over until he covered her on top of the beach towel and kissed her urgently thrusting his tongue deep into her waiting and willing mouth to duel with her tongue. Both moaned as they ground and moved against each other. Each touch of their fingers stroked the fire brighter until finally John pulled away the kiss to reach under her dress to draw her panties down.

She sat up and hurried to undo the ties at his waistband and pushed his swim trunks down far enough for his erection to spring free. Joss sighed as she grabbed a hold of John's hard cock and he shuddered in response, grateful he was as turned on as she was.

"You always make me so damned hot," he groaned, barely able to remove her unwanted panties. "It makes me feel like I'm fifteen years old again and worry I won't be able to last long."

She chuckled as she stroked him base to tip, loving the power she had over him as he shuddered and moaned. "Don't worry, I don't think either of us will last this time around. I'm so wet with just thinking of having you inside me again," she guaranteed thumbing his tip which always made make that sexy little grunt and this time was no exception.

He pushed her hand away from his crotch as he pushed her onto her back and urged himself inside her slowly. They both gasped and groaned as he filled her until finally he was buried to the hilt and he paused. "Jesus Joss, I can't…" he said gruffly.

Joss echoed the sentiment as she pushed her hands under his swim trunks and grabbed his bare ass. She was on the precipice of coming and he only entered her.

John held still as he stared down into her eyes before slowly moving gently back and forth; lazily making love to her trying to ward off both their orgasms from ending this too soon. He felt different, like making love to her was akin to coming home.

But then desire to take this slow was overwhelmed by the burning need to climax and his pace sped up and she was right there with him as she cried out his name that he smothered with a kiss. He moaned harshly in her mouth as her nails dug into his butt and was almost there himself, and proceeded to thrust harder and quicker as her channel tightened around him as spams rocked her. The ball of tension in his loins and lower back burst and he came, ceasing the kiss to bury his head in her chest to moan her name as he bucked against her.

They stayed that way until the last tremor and spasm of their orgasms was over, and stared into each other's eyes.

* * *

"This was amazing," she sighed as they lounged side by side in bed after a wonderful round of lovemaking.

After making love on the beach they had forced themselves up to catch a shower and then headed to the nearby town where they took in sights and ate some delicious local cuisine. It was a nice date and John was relaxed. Sex and vacation had a way of doing that to someone because she was incredibly relaxed herself.

Once they gorged themselves on sightseeing and talking to the locals they had made their way back to the mansion where they took a swim, enjoyed the hot tub and talked before making love some more. All in all Joss was going to give Harold the biggest and wettest kiss on the cheek for this. John's hand was leisurely stroking from her ass to shoulder with one arm underneath his head and appeared lost in thought.

She pinched his hip which jolted him and looked down at her. "Penny for your thoughts," she murmured softly, lovingly.

A smile crossed his lips and he looked so handsome it physically hurt to look at him. "I was thinking we should get married."

"Oh?" she sounded in surprise before teasing him; "Do I figure in this equation?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well you didn't even ask," she pointed out.

He smiled. "I thought it was a 'yes' whenever I was ready?"

"Yes but you have to still ask!" she said with a sniff as she turned her head away in mock indignation. "A girl wants to be asked, you know. She doesn't want a 'me man, you woman, we marry' kind of arrangement; it is the 21st century," she commented dryly.

He chuckled as he reached over to gently draw her face back towards him, earning him her gaze. "Will you marry me, Joss Carter?" he asked promptly.

"Of course I will," she answered instantly before leaning over to capture his lips with hers. John drew her closer as he let her tongue slide alongside his before she pulled back so they didn't get sidetracked with lovemaking. "I love you, John. But are you sure?—I mean you don't even have all your memories back yet."

"I might never but I know enough. And more importantly I love you."

Joss searched his gaze and saw the love in his eyes that was ever missing since he lost his memories. She sucked in a ragged breath because it meant so much to her to see it again. "I love you too John." she assured and kissed him again before springing up much to his dismay.

"What are you doing?" he demanded disgruntled as he sat up watching his hot and sexy, and very naked woman he loved leave the bed and proceed to draw on his blue short-sleeve button down shirt.

After closing the buttons and pulling on her nearby discarded panties she eyed him flipping her hair out from under the collar. "We're getting married; that means I got a million things to do," she informed him.

"Right now?—I thought we'd consummate the decision," he muttered hopefully. He wanted to consummate it again and again. It wasn't every day he asked someone to marry him, in fact she was the only one for that much he remembered.

Joss laughed. "That's after we get married John, not before," she replied as she scurried around the bedroom, looking for her cell phone.

John watched as Joss just left him in bed alone after a quick chaste kiss. Well hell he thought that his proposal might induce some loving affection. He waited a beat but when she didn't return he resignedly climbed out of bed too and drew up his boxer-briefs considering women as mysterious and mystical creatures that he would never understand.

He exited the bedroom to find her in the living room on her cell and talking to someone animatedly. John couldn't help but smile knowing he put that look on her face. She looked at him and smiled back before returning to her conversation. John's smile stilled on his face as confusion washed over him as her words didn't match what he was expecting. Like 'I can't wait till you get here' or 'bring your swimsuit' and 'find my necklace from great-great-grandma' weren't exactly what he was thinking she'd be saying.

Finally she hung up and turned to face him. "What was that about?" he asked.

She shrugged. "I told Taylor the good news." she explained secretively before encircling his neck with her arms.

"Sounded more to it than that."

Joss merely smiled. "I always dreamed of a beach wedding and we have this private one all to our lonesome so I was thinking maybe we should just get married tomorrow."

He blinked and then cleared his throat. "Uh, I'm sorry, did you say tomorrow?" he questioned.

"Tomorrow." she repeated. "Why wait?—I feel as though we've been waiting all our lives for each other and this past several months have been nothing but hell, and since I received your ring as a gift I thought about nothing but being your wife," she admitted, trying to make it simplistic.

John reached up to rub his hand through her hair. "Does it make you happy if we get married tomorrow?"

"Yes."

"Then we get married tomorrow," he replied simply.

She smiled as he bent his head and they kissed warmly but before he could deepen the kiss and move this to the bedroom she sprung from his arms and left him feeling disgruntled all over again. What did a guy have to do to get some loving around here?

"You're cute when you pout, John, but there is so much to do for the wedding that sex has to wait," Joss said with a bounce in her step as she zipped away looking at her phone again.

John frowned. "Like what?" he asked petulantly.

"You're kidding right?" she retorted incredulously. "I have to get a dress. We have to find some sort of dinner to serve at last minute, and flowers, a guest list, not to mention getting that guest list here, and find some sort of entertainment that doesn't require an iPod on shuffle. John, the list goes on and on and we have to do this before tomorrow at sunset."

"Why sunset?" John asked feeling bewildered.

"I want to get married to you at sunset," she said patiently. "I need to get my hair done and my nails. Maybe I'll head somewhere around here to find some sexy lingerie to wear on our wedding night."

John felt as though his feet were in quicksand and he sinking fast. He didn't realize quite how much there was to do to get married. "Uh, maybe we should postpone it from tomorrow to maybe the day after tomorrow. We won't be heading back to New York for another couple days."

"Yea but then we won't have a honeymoon, John. I'm only off for the next couple of days and I head back to work," she responded dryly. "And so do you. John Riley needs to get back to work." Yea, that was something he didn't know what to do about: his day job as a detective. Harold had arranged for these days off with the help of the machine, which he assumed was how Joss was here too. "Speaking of your John Riley persona what are you going to do about it?"

"Not sure," he muttered as he dropped onto the couch as he realized he was about as sure of having sex tonight as a monk would.

Joss kept her gaze down as she found Harold's name on her phone. She wanted him to do what made him happy but she wouldn't be sad to see him stay on as John Riley. It meant he wouldn't have to put his life on the line nearly as often as he did as John Reese.

"Do what makes you happy, John," she stressed as she waited for Harold to pick up. "I fell in love with you as John Reese and I'll still love you as John Reese or John Riley or if you want another alias I'll love that man too because they're all you. But you need to figure it out before we sign the marriage license, which is another thing that's on our to-do list."

He nodded. "I'll make up my mind before tonight," he promised. She smiled and then turned her attention from him and became animated again as she began talking to Harold.

John couldn't help but smile at her. She was excited about this and he couldn't help but feed off her as he felt a giddy lump in his stomach. After everything he's gone through he was finally going to get to marry the woman he loved, and for once in his life he didn't feel an ounce of guilt over his own happiness.

* * *

AN: Next chapter is it :)

Thanks for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

John sat in the gourmet kitchen of the mansion watching the room in front of him while sipping his coffee. It seemed to him that for being the groom at the wedding he wasn't really needed in the preparation. Harold, Grace, Shaw, Root, Fusco, Joss's mother, and Taylor all flew in early this morning and conked out in various rooms in the large mansion. But since awakening and having breakfast it seemed everyone had a task to do for the wedding…except him. Harold was busy seeing to the male attire for the event. Grace and Joss's mother were going to help look with Joss for dresses and a salon to do her hair, makeup, and nails at short notice. Root volunteered for finding an ordained minister. Shaw volunteered to find food and drinks for the reception. Fusco was going to see if he could find someone to play music for their reception. Taylor even had a part with figuring out seating arrangements and finding flowers.

He watched the controlled chaos as everyone was talking at once before Root was the first to leave with Shaw hot on her heels. Fusco disappeared out the door next with Taylor at his side. Harold had long since limped from view into the study to make phone calls since he was paying for everything (his words not theirs). Grace, Joss, and her mother were huddled together talking excitedly about what Joss was looking for in dresses. John watched as they left without a word towards him. Silence echoed the mansion now and John had no clue what it was he was supposed to do.

The door burst open and Joss hurried back inside and marched over to him and kissed him. When she pulled back she grinned. "Now I can go get ready for our wedding," she murmured.

"Grooms don't do much, do they?" he questioned with mirth.

"Not this groom, you just show up and look sexy," she purred as she stole another quick kiss. "But if you want to help, maybe Finch can find you something to do," she whispered and kissed him once more before pulling away. "Now I gotta go!" and with that she breezed away as quickly as she had the first time. John smiled as she went.

It was about an hour later when Harold exited the study looking happy. "Everything is going to be fine; Niikoi pushed in an appointment for the three of us to get us something to wear," Harold said as he limped towards him.

"Can I help?" John offered.

"By showing up, yes, but otherwise I'll take care of everything. I'm so happy for you and Joss," Harold reassured before holding out a slip of paper his way. "Perhaps there is something you can do."

John took the paper and scanned it. "This is a marriage license," he commented.

"Yes. Do you remember Judge Samuel Gates?" Harold asked quietly.

John searched his memory bank and felt as though there was something there but he couldn't fully say the man rang a bell. "A little, I remember he was a number…no, he was a number's father," John said with concentrated effort.

"Yes, he had connections to get me a marriage license quickly. It was his way of trying to repay a debt," Harold explained, sounding as though he didn't quite mirror the man's idea about 'repaying a debt' since there wasn't one. They never helped anyone for any other reason than it was right. "Now all we need is signatures."

John sighed. The time had come to decide who he wanted to be from now on. He lied to Joss because he hadn't been able to figure out if he was ready to truly let go of the Reese persona. Could he be through working the numbers when for so long it was his sole purpose in life? But he had a new purpose, one he had for a while now: love Joss till they were parted by death.

"What are you thinking about, Mr. Reese?"

"Who should I be now that Samaritan is gone," he answered honestly. "Joss said she loved me as John Reese and John Riley, and she'd love whoever I decided to sign on the dotted line as." John muttered with a quick glance at Harold's direction. "What do you think?"

"It's not up to me, John," Harold said.

John frowned at the response. "That was no help," he grumbled.

"When I offered you a job I told you that I would never lie to you. And I also told you that you or I, or both of us were probably going to end up dead but it seems that premonition didn't come true, thankfully. Because we both cheated death and have women whom love us unconditionally; perhaps it's time we both took a step back and let ourselves be happy," Harold murmured.

John looked to Harold and saw his friend making up his own mind about working with the machine. Could he do it, be happy living a normal life?

John cleared his throat. "Do you have a pen?" he asked.

Harold's eyes widened, as if just realizing that John was making a major life decision, and jerkily pulled a pen out of his shirt pocket. John took it and leaned forward to scribble the name he was going to be on the marriage license and sat back once he was finished. Now there was no turning back.

Harold picked up the marriage license and read the name, and smiled. 

* * *

"Maybe I shouldn't be rushing this," Joss muttered as she sat in a salon getting her nails done with all the other ladies. "John was surprised to say the least when I suggested it but being a good guy he went with it."

Her mother harrumphed as she said; "I've been waiting for this wedding since the moment I met John and saw the way you two were with each other so there is no postponing this, young lady! And no postponing more grandchildren either. I want a granddaughter that is a spitten image of her mother but has those beautiful eyes of John's."

Joss nearly choked on her tongue. "Mama…" she began without knowing what she wanted to truly say.

"Don't crush an old woman's dreams, Jocelyn!"

"You, uh, didn't mention this _dream_ to John, right?" Joss asked.

"Of course not; I'm old, not senile," Alice replied, earning a chuckle from just about everyone in the salon.

Joss, however, wasn't as reassured. Grace, sensing her panic, turned the subject to the dresses they found on such last minute. Grace had taken her to a little boutique claiming that the owner would have the perfect dresses. Apparently, Grace was a friendly lady and knew a lot of people in the town. Tamesha, the owner, was amazing as she was going to have everything ready before sunset; the woman was really a god send.

The talk turned to how John was and then to anything they found interesting as they focused on getting everything done before the wedding took place. And while her friends and family talked excitedly Joss couldn't shake the feeling that there was something wrong. 

* * *

"It's cream colored." John mumbled as he eyed his attire for his wedding this evening. When he had tried the pants on at the shop he hadn't figured they would remain this color. The shirt was a white fitted linen long sleeve but the pants and vest were both cream in color.

Joss zipped past him absently. "Not cream but beige. Harold asked me what color I wanted and I told him," she countered as she rummaged through her suitcase looking for something. "And it's only the vest, shirt, and pants because I want you guys comfortable as we get married."

John eyed Taylor and held up the pants and vest. "Does this look beige to you?" he demanded.

Taylor grinned. "Yes," he lied through his teeth not about to get on his mother's wrong side on her wedding day. "Besides I'll take _beige_ colored pants and vest over a black tux in Antigua any day of the week."

John supposed that was true. Joss looked up after pulling out a Jasmin bottle she was searching for. "See, there is a silver lining. You, Taylor, and Harold are going to look absolutely handsome in whatever you wear anyway."

"Don't forget to sign your marriage license, mom. Harold had to have pulled a lot of strings to get it so quickly for you guys," Taylor said, wanting his mom to see the signature John used.

Joss paused as she realized she hadn't signed it yet. Perhaps, subconsciously, she had been putting it off because she didn't know who John was going to sign as. She nodded and forced her nerves to settle as she moved towards the small table her son motioned at. Joss tortured the neck of her perfume bottle as she looked it over to gape in surprise before whirling around on John.

"You signed it as John Riley," she murmured.

Taylor grinned. "Yea he did. I think I'll go change or something," he commented.

Joss eyed her son with a wry smile. "You seem to disappear a lot on us," she muttered appreciatively.

"There's only so much a son wants to know about his mom's love life," he acknowledged with a shuddered expression before he turned to leave. "I'm sure Fusco won't mind if I bug him."

John watched as the perceptive teen left before turning back to face the boy's mother. She was waiting for an answer. "Yes, I signed as John Riley. I want to live a normal life with you, whatever normal is," he said softly. It sounded…perfect, he didn't remember everything about his past but he knew that he was tired of being the dark. He could just be, and be with Joss which sounded so damn good.

"Are you sure though, John? I mean you might not remember but you spent months being John Riley and hating every moment of it."

John smiled ruefully. "Are you trying to change my mind, Joss?" he asked.

"No, I want you to be happy." she admitted as she set the perfume bottle down to slide her arms around his neck. "Can you be happy being a cop?"

"I remember enough to know that I didn't like posing as Riley because I felt I was needed to lurk in the shadows as Reese to bring Samaritan down. But being able to live a real life with you means more than being John Reese."

"What about the numbers, John? They're as much a part of you as the Reese persona is," Joss pointed out. "Do you remember what that was for you?"

"My purpose," he supplied. His gaze searched hers. "Maybe I have a new purpose."

"Or maybe you think you do because you love me and can't remember how much working those numbers meant to you," she countered gently, now realizing the error of her way. She felt unsettled all day. Rushing a wedding with a groom with memories was one thing but rushing one that had missing ones was setting them both up to fail. She loved him too much to let him make a quick decision that would only make him unhappy as it would lead to resentment.

He frowned as he stepped away from her. "It sounds like you're unhappy with my decision," he muttered.

"I'm not, but I don't think it's what you would choose if you could remember your entire life," she answered tiredly. "I'm being selfish."

John furrowed her brows. "How are you selfish? Joss, you let me believe we were friends for months because you were trying to be unselfish and not pressure me. Everything you've done was to help me even though I didn't like it and I know you think you're helping now, but I want to marry you, Joss. You're right, I don't remember everything I've ever done as John Reese or John Riley or any other person I was, but I do know that I love you and want to be with you."

"I love you too, John, which is why I think we should postpone the wedding," she said and shook her head when he went to speak. "John, you're rushing a major life decision because of me. You weren't thinking of us getting married today the day after you asked me to be your wife. I chose it because I wanted to make up for lost time with you, because it's been unbearable without you and that _is_ selfish. I don't want you to choose John Riley because you think it will make me happy."

John stared at her. "Don't I have a say?" he questioned, finally getting a word in edgewise. Joss blinked and looked at him. "I'm the groom after all," he pointed out, now finally getting a little irritated. He understood brides did most of the decisions but he got to have a say over whether or not the wedding happened, right?

"John…"

"No, Joss, you had your say. It's my turn." he stated abruptly and her brows arched. "I choose you. You make me happy, Joss. Being John Davis or John Riley or John Reese doesn't really matter to me as long as whoever I am that you're there, than I'm happy. I don't know how to prove to you that I'm truly ready to let go of who I was. I love you, Joss."

"I love you too, John," she reassured him.

John nodded. "Good, then marry me tonight because I'm going to be waiting for you at the beach."

Joss gaped at him. "John, I just said that we should…"

"And I say we shouldn't. I want to be married to you, Joss. I know in my heart that I never felt like I belonged anywhere but I feel like I'm at home with you. So make us both happy and show up to our wedding." he whispered and bent to kiss her passionately before stepping back, and snatched his clothes up. "Its bad luck to see the bride before the wedding but I hope to see the bride tonight." he said and with one last look he whirled around and left Joss to stare after him. 

* * *

"You said what?!" Grace exclaimed, dressed and ready for the wedding, as Joss paced the bedroom floor. "Why on Earth would you postpone the wedding when you were just so excited about it?"

Joss sighed. Taylor, thankfully, was sidetracking her mama so she could talk to Grace, Shaw, and Root alone. They knew the situation while her mother believed John was a cop anyway. "Guys, John means the world to me and rushing this wedding was a big mistake."

"Doesn't seem as though Reese thinks so if he's going to camp out on the beach until you marry his ass," Shaw pointed out bluntly.

"So what if he signed the marriage license as Riley?" Root asked, unclear on the significance. "I thought that it would make you happy."

"Not me," Shaw snarled as she flopped back on the made up bed. "I was hoping Reese would want to continue working the numbers. Not that I need his help, mind you. Humpty Dumpty was put back together for a reason and I wouldn't mind having someone to take the heat off so I can go bang my girlfriend."

"You just have a way with words," Root sighed, sounding love-struck.

Grace frowned. "She sure does," she commented, though she didn't think it was that great. Grace turned her attention back to Joss. "But I agree with them, I thought you'd be happy that he wanted a normal life with you."

"I do if it's what he truly wanted but I don't know if it is or not because he can't remember what the numbers meant to him."

"And you're sure he doesn't remember what it meant to him?" Grace pressed.

Joss glared at the women. "Not positive but then John has fragments of memories so why would this be any different. And again remind me how many of you have been married before?" she demanded and all eyes fell away. "That's what I thought. I've been married and not. A happy and healthy marriage requires compromise or it won't work. John could be choosing John Riley because he thinks it's what makes me happy and not what will make him, and that doesn't make a healthy marriage either. I told him I'd love whoever he chose to be but I want him to choose who he wants to be not who he thinks I want him to be."

Root grinned suddenly as she looked to Carter. "I have an idea; why not just have the wedding." she announced and all three women eyed her as if she was stupid.

Joss arched a brow. Shaw sat up and was the one that spoke; "That's it?—that's your idea? I guess you're smart only about computers and sex."

Root rolled her eyes. "Hear me out, don't sign the marriage license and just have the wedding. Who really cares here if it's not legally binding right now; the machine can go in and fix that for you later when John has his memories or more time to fully think of his choice between being Reese and Riley. SHE's resourceful Joss, you know that. SHE's very happy to do it too since SHE always wanted to make up for not being able to warn you in time before Simmons shot you and John."

"In certain states it's illegal to have a wedding without a license, Root," Joss pointed out. "And tell the machine to stop feeling guilty over that. It's done and in the past, and I pulled through."

Shaw snorted. "First we're in Antigua, not the United States. Secondly, who cares if it's illegal here anyways since you'd what, at most, pay a fine. And thirdly, is really getting married without a license the worst crime you've ever committed, Carter?" Shaw asked with a smirk.

Joss sighed. "It would be if I didn't fall for that sexy pain the ass!" she grumbled lovingly.

"More importantly; are you certain you want to let the chance to marry John tonight pass you by?" Grace asked softly. "You two love each other and what Root says makes a lot of sense. The machine can make everything legally binding in the future which would give John the time you desire him to have. You can just focus on the spiritual aspect of saying 'I do' to each other tonight."

Joss stopped her restless pacing and for the first time she stopped over thinking this and felt peace. This plan could work. She got to marry John while also give him the time he deserved to make the right decision for him. It was the best of both worlds. She glanced at the clock and groaned.

"Crap, help me get ready or I'm going to be late to my own wedding!" 

* * *

"Perhaps we should head back in the house and see what's going on," Harold whispered as he stood with John on the shoreline as the time they were supposed to start the wedding drew nearer. White chairs lined the beach with Fusco sitting there looking about as tense as John and Harold were. The man that was waiting to marry them was growing impatient with the threat of a no show from the bride-to-be. He had long walked back to the mansion to see what was happening.

"Go on ahead, Harold. I'm going to wait here in this very spot until I have to fly back to New York for her to marry me."

Harold sighed. John was, if nothing, stubborn. "If you are waiting then as your best man I must wait by your side." he murmured jovially. He had taken care of their wedding bands though John and Jocelyn didn't know that little secret just yet. Hopefully soon they would, assuming the wedding actually went as planned.

John turned away from the mansion he was staring at, hoping Joss would materialize out of it ready to marry him, and stared out at the beautiful ocean with gentle waves and the sun that was getting ready to set. "I want to marry her, Finch," John said quietly.

"I know you do, Mr. Reese."

John closed his eyes. "Call me, John." he requested softly. "John Reese died along with Samaritan."

Harold nodded. "Alright, John, it is. Joss just wants you happy. But missing memories or not I believe you would have chosen John Riley over John Reese."

John was glad someone believed him. "And why is that?" he asked gruffly.

"You've always longed for a place to belong, to find a home. Do you remember Darren McGrady?" Harold wondered. John nodded his head absently. He did remember the boy. Some former numbers he couldn't quite recall so readily but that boy was different. He held a soft spot in his heart. John hadn't seen him in a while because of Samaritan not wanting to risk Darren's safety. Maybe now that he had most of his memories back and didn't have to look over his shoulder he could see how Darren was doing. "Do you remember what he told you?"

"You mean that conversation I had with him while alone in my car?" John questioned. Harold merely smiled. "Yes, he figured that I'd eventually find a home too."

"And that's what Jocelyn is to you."

"She is." John agreed. "I know she is. I don't remember every single thing that happened on our road to love but I know that she's everything to me."

"And John Riley symbolizes that you finally belong with the rest of the world not merely as the shadow skirting on the outside of it," Harold said gently which John merely nodded his head at. "It will all work out, John, just as it has with Grace and myself. As you had to be patient with regaining your memories you must be patient now in regaining the rest of your memories and letting Joss think this through. She's just trying to do the right thing for you which is highly commendable."

"Are you just going to gawk at the water or are you going to get married?" John turned sharply at the barked out words by Shaw. He eyed her soft pink thin-strapped dress. "What?—make any joke and I'll cut your heart out with a spoon, wedding or not."

"Wouldn't dream of it, Little Bo Peep," he teased.

Shaw's lip snarled up but amusement danced in her usual dull brown gaze. Root and Grace were making mad dashes across the sand to catch up with Joss following in their wake though not running as she crossed the sand with her mother. But everyone faded away for John as he couldn't move his gaze away from Joss. She was stunning. Joss was wearing an off-white mermaid backless dress with see-through straps. The bottom of the dress had some lacy design but he couldn't stop staring at her to give the dress a longer look over. He had seen a glimpse of its design in the mansion when Tamesha brought it before Joss hid it away. She had a pink flower in her hair that matched the flowers she held and the color of dresses her mother and Shaw were wearing.

The few white seats filled up just as Shaw and Alice took their places up front while Taylor rushed back to go walk his mother down the makeshift aisle. John continued to watch Joss, who happened to be the most beautiful bride he'd ever seen, and smiled at her. She smiled back at him. "You came," he breathed.

"I can't wait to marry you," she murmured as she approached him, and love shined bright in her eyes and he knew it mirrored in his own.

"I can't wait either."

And they didn't. With the setting sun, John was given the right to kiss his bride and the moment he pressed his lips to her sealed their fate of loving each other for the rest of time.

* * *

AN: I know there wasn't an actual wedding but I couldn't get my muse to write one so I went this route with a little hiccup along the way to their happiness. This is it for this story. Now comes the sequel to 'Beauty and the Beast' called: Beast Finds A Home. It will be rated M from the beginning ;D

Thank you for reading!


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